**Ted V. Mikels: The Top Ten Films According to the Internet (and Maybe Some Aliens)**

Ah, Ted V. Mikels—if you haven’t heard the name, then clearly you’ve never dabbled in the delightful world of B-movies where the budget is low, but the entertainment value is sky-high. Mikels is the kind of director who makes you question everything: “What am I watching?” “Is that a tinfoil spaceship?” and “Why can’t I stop watching this?” He’s the master of cult classics, where logic takes a backseat and pure, unfiltered creativity drives the bus—often right off a cliff. 

But enough chit-chat. The internet has spoken, and I’m here to guide you through the top ten Ted V. Mikels films, as curated by the vast (and often bizarre) collective consciousness that is the World Wide Web. So grab your popcorn, suspend your disbelief, and let’s dive into the wild, weird, and wondrous world of Ted V. Mikels.

### 10. *The Corpse Grinders* (1971)

Starting off our countdown is a film that truly epitomizes “It’s so bad, it’s good.” *The Corpse Grinders* revolves around a cat food company that decides to save on ingredients by grinding up human corpses. It’s the kind of plot that makes you look at your cat and wonder, “What if?” It’s campy, it’s gruesome, and it’s exactly what you’d expect from a movie where the budget for fake blood likely exceeded the budget for actual dialogue.

### 9. *The Doll Squad* (1973)

Ever wondered what would happen if Charlie’s Angels got mixed up with a Cold War spy thriller and a discount Halloween store? Enter *The Doll Squad*, where a team of highly skilled female agents, armed with go-go boots and questionable one-liners, take on a villain who could easily be your uncle after a bad day. Allegedly, this film inspired the TV series *Charlie’s Angels*. Whether that’s true or just wishful thinking on Ted’s part, we may never know—but hey, it’s fun to believe!

### 8. *Blood Orgy of the She-Devils* (1973)

Yes, you read that title correctly, and no, I don’t think there’s any logical explanation for it. In *Blood Orgy of the She-Devils*, Mikels throws together witches, Satanic rituals, and what can only be described as the grooviest dance party in hell. If you’re looking for historical accuracy or coherent plotlines, move along. But if you’re up for an acid trip without the acid, welcome aboard.

### 7. *Astro-Zombies* (1968)

Ted V. Mikels gives us zombie robots from outer space, proving that he is, without a doubt, the original mad scientist of low-budget filmmaking. Starring John Carradine and Wendell Corey, *Astro-Zombies* is the kind of movie that makes you wonder if everyone involved was in on the joke—or if the joke was on us. Either way, it’s an alien invasion flick with more charm than brains… and considering the title, that’s saying something.

### 6. *Girl in Gold Boots* (1968)

This one’s for the dancing queens out there. *Girl in Gold Boots* is a musical-drama-crime film (because why choose just one genre?) about a waitress who dreams of making it big as a go-go dancer. Spoiler alert: The journey is less “A Star is Born” and more “What on Earth is Happening?” It’s a toe-tapping, eye-rolling good time, perfect for when you want to watch something completely bonkers.

### 5. *Ten Violent Women* (1982)

This film answers the age-old question: What do you get when you mix jewel thieves, a women’s prison, and a director with a flair for the outrageous? *Ten Violent Women* is pure, unadulterated exploitation gold, with enough catfights and explosions to make Michael Bay blush. It’s a wild ride from start to finish—just don’t expect Shakespearean dialogue. Or, you know, anything resembling reality.

via GIPHY

### 4. *The Black Klansman* (1966)

Ted V. Mikels wasn’t afraid to tackle controversial subjects, and *The Black Klansman* is proof. The film tells the story of an African-American man who infiltrates the Ku Klux Klan. It’s a serious subject matter handled with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop, but hey, subtlety was never Mikels’ forte. It’s a film that’s as bold as it is baffling, but it’s earned its spot in Mikels’ top ten for sheer audacity alone.

### 3. *Mission: Killfast* (1991)

Now, if you’re thinking, “Hey, that title sounds like something from a video game,” you’re absolutely right. *Mission: Killfast* is Ted V. Mikels’ take on the spy-action genre, complete with ninjas, shootouts, and a plot that I’m pretty sure was written on a napkin. It’s a non-stop thrill ride—if your definition of “thrill ride” includes lots of awkward pauses and questionable stunt work. But let’s be honest, that’s what makes it a Mikels masterpiece.

### 2. *The Astro-Zombies: M3 - Cloned* (2010)

Yes, the Astro-Zombies are back, and this time, they’ve been cloned. Because when you’ve already made a movie about zombie robots from space, the only logical next step is to clone them. *The Astro-Zombies: M3 - Cloned* is proof that Ted V. Mikels never gave up on his unique vision, even when it involved reanimating his own past work. It’s a sequel nobody asked for but everyone secretly needed—especially if you love your sci-fi with a side of schlock.

via GIPHY

### 1. *The Worm Eaters* (1977)

And finally, the pièce de résistance, the crème de la crème of Mikels’ filmography, according to the internet: *The Worm Eaters*. Directed by Herb Robins but produced by Mikels, this movie is as absurd as it sounds. It involves a man who can control worms, leading to some truly squirm-worthy scenes. It’s gross, it’s weird, and it’s absolutely unforgettable—like a bad dream you keep coming back to because, deep down, you kind of like it.

So there you have it, folks: the top ten Ted V. Mikels films according to the internet, a place where logic goes to die and bizarre B-movies reign supreme. Whether you’re a seasoned fan or a newcomer to the Mikelsverse, these films are guaranteed to leave you entertained, bewildered, and possibly questioning your life choices. But hey, that’s the magic of Ted V. Mikels—he makes the unimaginable not only possible but downright enjoyable.