### The Top Ten Satanic Cult Films According to the Internet: A Devilishly Fun Countdown
Welcome, you brave souls, to the darkest corners of the internet, where Satanic cult films reign supreme, and common sense takes a backseat to ritualistic chanting and pentagrams. If you’ve ever wondered what happens when Hollywood dabbles in devil worship, grab your rosary and your popcorn, because we’re diving into the top ten Satanic cult films according to the internet! Just remember: it's all fun and games until someone summons a demon.
#### 10. **_The Devil Rides Out_ (1968)**
Coming in hot at number ten is Hammer Horror's _The Devil Rides Out_, a film that answers the age-old question: "What if Christopher Lee played a good guy for once?" Spoiler: he’s just as intimidating. With more pentagrams than a high schooler’s doodle pad, this film is a classic battle of good versus evil, with added British accents to make the Satanism sound classy. It's like _Downton Abbey_, if Downton were overrun by Satanists.
#### 9. **_Race with the Devil_ (1975)**
Ah, the 70s, when the only thing scarier than bell-bottoms was the idea of Satanic cults chasing you down the highway. In _Race with the Devil_, two couples go on a road trip and accidentally stumble upon a Satanic ritual. Naturally, the cultists are not too happy about the audience, so they spend the rest of the movie chasing our heroes like it’s the world’s worst family vacation. It’s like _National Lampoon’s Vacation_ meets _The Texas Chain Saw Massacre_—and nobody's getting out unscathed.
#### 8. **_The House of the Devil_ (2009)**
In the mood for a retro throwback? _The House of the Devil_ is the ultimate 80s tribute, complete with babysitters, creepy old houses, and enough Satanic panic to make Tipper Gore blush. This slow-burn horror flick builds tension like your grandma builds a jigsaw puzzle—methodically and with a lot of missing pieces. But once the devilish fun kicks in, it’s a wild ride that will make you rethink your side gig as a babysitter.
#### 7. **_The Wicker Man_ (1973)**
We can’t talk about Satanic cults without mentioning _The Wicker Man_, where Christopher Lee is back, this time as the head of a Pagan cult. It’s all fun and games until someone gets burned alive in a giant wicker effigy. This film has everything: weird folk songs, creepy children, and a plot that makes you question if visiting rural Scotland is ever a good idea. It’s like if _Midsommar_ had a British cousin who was less into floral dresses and more into setting people on fire.
#### 6. **_Rosemary’s Baby_ (1968)**
If _Rosemary’s Baby_ has taught us anything, it’s that you should never trust your neighbors, especially if they’re too eager to help you decorate your nursery. This classic film is a masterclass in paranoia, with Mia Farrow as the world’s most unfortunate mother-to-be. The slow realization that her baby daddy might just be the Dark Lord himself is enough to make you swear off apartment living forever. It’s the ultimate horror story for helicopter parents everywhere.
#### 5. **_The Devil’s Rain_ (1975)**
You know a movie is going to be good when it stars William Shatner and involves melting faces. _The Devil’s Rain_ is a melting pot (pun intended) of over-the-top performances, ridiculous special effects, and one of the most bizarre Satanic cults ever put on screen. The plot is thinner than Shatner’s hairpiece, but who cares when you’ve got Ernest Borgnine transforming into a goat-man? It’s campy, it’s weird, and it’s so bad it’s almost good—almost.
#### 4. **_Suspiria_ (1977)**
Dario Argento’s _Suspiria_ isn’t just a movie; it’s an experience. With more colors than a psychedelic trip and a plot as tangled as a witch’s spell, this film is a feast for the senses. Set in a ballet school run by a coven of witches, _Suspiria_ is like _Black Swan_ if Natalie Portman had to deal with actual witchcraft and a whole lot more blood. The film’s blend of beauty and horror will leave you spinning—like, literally, because the camera never stops moving.
#### 3. **_The Ninth Gate_ (1999)**
If you’ve ever wanted to see Johnny Depp solve a mystery that involves Satanic texts, then _The Ninth Gate_ is your jam. Directed by Roman Polanski, this film follows Depp as he traipses through Europe in search of a rare book that supposedly opens the gates of Hell. Spoiler alert: things don’t go as planned. It’s like _The Da Vinci Code_, but with less Catholicism and more creepy old books that probably should’ve stayed locked up in a dusty basement.
#### 2. **_The Witch_ (2015)**
You know you’re in for a good time when the film opens with a family being exiled for being too religiously extreme—for Puritans. _The Witch_ is a slow descent into madness, with plenty of creepy goats, ominous woods, and a whole lot of "thou shalt nots." The film is as unsettling as it is beautiful, with a twist that will make you rethink your opinion on farm animals. Black Phillip, anyone? Just don’t invite him to your next barnyard BBQ.
#### 1. **_Hereditary_ (2018)**
And the number one spot goes to… _Hereditary_! If you haven’t seen this film yet, consider this your warning: it’s not for the faint of heart or the easily disturbed. Ari Aster’s family drama-turned-nightmare is a masterclass in psychological horror, with enough Satanic cult references to keep your local conspiracy theorist busy for years. It’s the kind of movie that makes you wonder if maybe your family tree has a few too many branches leading straight to Hell. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
So there you have it—the top ten Satanic cult films according to the internet. Whether you’re a seasoned horror fan or just someone who likes to dabble in the dark arts from the safety of your couch, these films are sure to entertain, terrify, and possibly leave you questioning your life choices. Now go forth and watch… just don’t forget the holy water.
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