**The Top Ten David DeCoteau Films According to the Internet: A Hilarious Dive into the World of Low-Budget Cinema**
Ladies and gentlemen, grab your popcorn and a stiff drink because we're about to dive into the wonderfully weird world of David DeCoteau, a man who’s made more movies than you’ve had hot dinners—and most of them involve shirtless men and haunted houses. DeCoteau is the king of low-budget horror, the sultan of schlock, and the maestro of movies that make you wonder, “Why am I watching this, and why can’t I stop?”
So, without further ado, here’s a countdown of the top ten David DeCoteau films according to the internet. And by "top," we mean the films that somehow managed to claw their way to the surface of the bottomless pit that is his filmography.
**10. *Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama* (1988)**
Coming in at number ten, we have the masterpiece that is *Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama*, a title so long it could double as a college thesis. This film is the perfect blend of bad puns, worse acting, and an imp from hell that looks like he was left over from an episode of *Fraggle Rock*. If you've ever wanted to see sorority pledges battle tiny demonic creatures in a bowling alley, then this is the movie for you. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a fever dream—one that you can’t wait to wake up from, but also kind of want to linger in a little longer.
**9. *Creepozoids* (1987)**
Next up, we have *Creepozoids*, a film that asks the question: "What if *Alien* had been made with about $50 and a case of expired Red Bull?" Set in a post-apocalyptic future where the biggest threat isn’t radiation or mutant monsters but the terrible dialogue, *Creepozoids* is a love letter to bad sci-fi horror. It’s got everything: a deserted city, mutant rats, and a monster that looks like it escaped from a carnival haunted house. And the best part? The entire film takes place in what appears to be a single, poorly lit room. Talk about saving on the electric bill!
**8. *Voodoo Academy* (2000)**
Sliding into number eight is *Voodoo Academy*, the film that solidified DeCoteau's obsession with shirtless men and strange rituals. Imagine *Harry Potter* meets *Magic Mike*, but with less plot and more slow-motion shots of abs. In this film, a group of young men find themselves in a mysterious school where the curriculum includes voodoo, homoerotic tension, and the occasional possession. It’s a cult classic for anyone who enjoys a side of beefcake with their horror—or, really, just anyone who likes beefcake.
**7. *A Talking Cat!?!* (2013)**
Yes, you read that right—*A Talking Cat!?!* is real, and it’s gloriously terrible. This film is a detour from DeCoteau's usual horror fare into the world of family entertainment. But don’t worry, it’s still just as baffling. The cat in question, voiced by an equally baffled Eric Roberts, is a CGI abomination that “talks” in the most wooden and uninterested way possible. The plot is… well, it involves a cat that talks. What more do you need to know? It’s the kind of movie you put on when you want to question all of your life choices.
**6. *The Brotherhood* (2001)**
DeCoteau’s *The Brotherhood* is like *The Craft* but with less witchcraft and more slow-motion shots of shirtless guys staring into the middle distance. The plot, if you can call it that, involves a college fraternity that’s really a front for a group of vampires—or maybe they're just really into brooding? It's hard to tell. What is clear, though, is that DeCoteau has a niche, and that niche is male models pretending to be vampires while the camera lingers on their pecs.
**5. *Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge* (1991)**
Finally, a movie that’s actually kind of good! *Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge* is one of the more coherent entries in DeCoteau’s filmography, and it even has a plot that makes sense—mostly. The film is a prequel to the *Puppet Master* series, featuring Nazi villains, living puppets, and a storyline that somehow doesn’t involve shirtless men. It’s DeCoteau’s version of *Schindler’s List* if Schindler had been a puppeteer and his list included a bunch of murderous marionettes.
**4. *Beach Babes from Beyond* (1993)**
You know you’re in for something special when the title of the film is *Beach Babes from Beyond*. This film is exactly what you think it is—a cheesy, campy, intergalactic romp featuring aliens who land on Earth and decide to hit the beach in bikinis. It’s a classic example of DeCoteau’s ability to mix sci-fi with skin flicks, creating something that’s as ridiculous as it is strangely watchable. If you’ve ever wanted to see aliens learn how to surf while flirting with Earth boys, this is your chance.
**3. *Leeches!* (2003)**
As we enter the top three, things get even more absurd with *Leeches!*, a film that proves DeCoteau never met a terrible premise he didn’t love. This horror flick features mutant leeches attacking a college swim team, which, of course, means plenty of scenes with shirtless guys. The leeches look about as real as a rubber duck, and the acting is on par with a middle school play, but that’s what makes it so perfect. It’s a movie that asks, “What if Jaws was replaced by bloodsucking worms?” and then follows through on that terrible, wonderful idea.
**2. *Sorority Babes in the Dance-a-Thon of Death* (1991)**
Taking the silver medal is *Sorority Babes in the Dance-a-Thon of Death*, a film that’s as confusing as it is poorly titled. This sequel to *Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama* somehow manages to up the ante with even more absurdity. It’s like *Footloose* meets *The Exorcist* but without any of the things that made those movies good. The plot revolves around a cursed dance competition, and yes, it’s as bad as it sounds. But it’s also the kind of movie that’s so bad, it’s almost good—almost.
**1. *Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000* (1994)**
And the number one spot goes to… *Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000*! This film is the pinnacle of DeCoteau’s career, a sci-fi comedy that’s neither particularly funny nor scientifically accurate. The plot involves time travel, teenage hormones, and a dystopian future where the government has outlawed sex. Naturally, our teen heroes must go back in time to save the future—or something like that. It’s hard to tell what’s happening when you’re too busy laughing at the special effects, which look like they were done on a budget that wouldn’t cover lunch at McDonald’s.
So there you have it, folks—the top ten David DeCoteau films according to the internet. Whether you love them, hate them, or just can’t believe they exist, one thing’s for sure: DeCoteau has carved out a unique niche in the film world. His movies may not win any Oscars, but they’ve definitely won a place in our hearts—or at least in our guilty pleasures list.
Comments