**Coconutdaddy's Movie Pick: *Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins* (1985) – The Adventure Begins… and Nobody Really Noticed**
It was 1985, and Hollywood was cranking out action heroes like they were making them on an assembly line. Enter *Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins*, a movie with such confidence in its own awesomeness that it had the audacity to slap *"The Adventure Begins"* in the title. It's like they were already planning for sequels. Spoiler alert: those sequels never happened. And honestly? Coconutdaddy's pick of the week might explain why.
**The Plot: Welcome to the Most Ridiculous Job Offer Ever**
Our hero, Remo Williams (played by Fred Ward), is a New York cop who, after a staged “death” (involving a rather creative use of cement and the East River), is reborn as an elite assassin. But not just any assassin—he’s handpicked by a shadowy government organization to be trained in the ancient Korean martial art of *Sinanju*. Now, if you’re thinking, “How does a middle-aged, gruff cop from New York become a martial arts master in like, a week?”—well, you’re already putting more thought into this than the screenwriters did.
And who’s his teacher in this mystical art of kicking butt? A wise, elderly Korean named Chiun, played by Joel Grey—who is, *surprise*, not Korean. Coconutdaddy would call this casting choice "brave," but we all know that in 1985, it was just called Hollywood.
Chiun proceeds to teach Remo the most critical skills he’ll need to become an unstoppable force: dodging bullets, running across wet cement without leaving footprints, and using his finger as a weapon. Yes, his *finger*. Remo is essentially becoming MacGyver with karate chops.
**Fred Ward: The Everyman Action Hero You Forgot**
Fred Ward, bless him, gives it his all. He’s got the gruff charm of a man who just wants a sandwich and a nap, but instead gets roped into a life of high-stakes secret missions and ridiculous training montages. Coconutdaddy would argue that Ward is like an action hero who missed the boat to stardom, forever playing in the B-team while Schwarzenegger, Stallone, and Willis laughed it up on the A-list yacht.
Ward’s Remo is the kind of guy who doesn’t want to be an assassin but is kind of too polite to say no. He’s all about quips and grumbles, and his perpetual state of confusion as Chiun throws him into absurd training scenarios is the real star of the movie. Watching Remo attempt to dodge bullets by the sheer power of will—or sheer force of script—is entertainment in itself.
**Chiun: Master of Martial Arts and Sarcasm**
Joel Grey’s Chiun is the wise master trope turned up to eleven, but with the added bonus of being snarkier than your least favorite barista. Not only does Chiun have zero faith in Remo’s potential, but he also spends most of the movie mocking him in ways that make you wonder if Chiun’s real talent is in psychological warfare.
Chiun’s mastery of Sinanju is nothing compared to his mastery of insult comedy. At one point, he flat-out tells Remo, "You move like a pregnant yak." And honestly? He’s not wrong. Coconutdaddy would call Chiun the "Mr. Miyagi of verbal abuse," and I think that’s an endorsement.
**The Action: Low Stakes, High Laughs**
For a movie about an elite assassin, the stakes in *Remo Williams* feel… let’s say, non-lethal. Sure, there’s some sort of evil corporation doing bad things, and Remo is supposed to stop them, but the real threat seems to be how much time the movie spends on training montages. Remo’s big test is scaling the Statue of Liberty, which at the time was under renovation. So instead of a high-octane showdown, we get Fred Ward dangling from scaffolding like a guy who accidentally got locked out of his apartment.
There are fights, but they’re more in the “oops, I fell into some bad guys” category than the Rambo-level explosions you might expect. Coconutdaddy would likely compare the fight scenes to watching your uncle at Thanksgiving try to swat a fly with a newspaper—entertaining, sure, but not exactly lethal.
**The “Adventure” That… Well, Kind of Stalls**
Now, Coconutdaddy loves a good adventure, but *Remo Williams* feels like it’s constantly warming up to something that never actually happens. The movie spends so much time teaching Remo how to dodge bullets and walk on water (yes, that happens) that by the time the actual “adventure” begins, you’re already emotionally invested in the possibility of a nap.
By the end of the movie, you’re left wondering if the adventure ever really began—or if this was just the world’s longest training day. Coconutdaddy would probably say, “It’s not the adventure that counts, it’s the friends you make along the way,” and those friends happen to be plot holes and 80s action clichés.
**Coconutdaddy’s Final Take**
*Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins* is the kind of movie that promises you filet mignon but delivers a well-done cheeseburger—slightly overcooked but weirdly satisfying. Fred Ward is grumpy and lovable, Joel Grey is insultingly wise, and the action sequences are so silly they might just qualify as unintentional comedy.
Would Coconutdaddy recommend this movie for its deep philosophical themes? No. Would he recommend it because watching Fred Ward dodge bullets with zero expression on his face is comedy gold? Absolutely. So, grab a bowl of popcorn, practice your finger-punching technique, and enjoy the adventure that never quite gets off the ground—but is still a wild ride down 80s memory lane. 🗽👊🍿
#RemoWilliamsFun #CoconutdaddyPick #80sActionCheese #FredWardTheForgottenHero #MartialArtsMadness #TheAdventureBeginsAndMaybeEnds #BulletDodgingLegend
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