Bruce Vilanch Spills the Sequined Tea ☕: Awards, Awkward Scripts & A Whole Lotta ’70s Blow 💄

 

Let’s talk about Bruce Vilanch — the man, the myth, the walking one-liner in rhinestone glasses. 🤓✨ If you’ve ever laughed during an awards show (and not just because someone tripped on the red carpet), odds are good Bruce Vilanch wrote that joke. But now, Hollywood’s glitter-drenched court jester is back… and this time, he brought receipts — and maybe a leftover Quaalude or two. 🫣📖

In his new book, Bruce goes full confessional, telling tales of punchlines, Primetime Emmys, and enough ‘70s drug use to make Studio 54 blush. Spoiler alert: if you thought a few Oscars monologues were a little too “out there,” turns out it wasn’t just your imagination — it was pharmaceutical-grade inspiration. 💊😵‍💫

Bruce owns his hits — Hollywood Squares, writing zingers for Bette Midler and Whoopi Goldberg, basically ghostwriting half of your favorite acceptance speeches — but he’s not afraid to call out the clunkers. Yes, he helped polish some real cinematic stinkers, and yes, he’s blaming the drugs. Not entirely, but let’s just say “cocaine logic” doesn’t always lead to Oscar gold. 🧠➕💨➖🏆

He also spills on the glam chaos of the ‘70s and ‘80s — where writing jokes meant dodging egos, rewrites, and the occasional coke-fueled diva meltdown (and that’s just the rehearsal). Honestly, how do you not end up with a few duds when everyone on set is seeing double and thinking they’re in a Fellini film?

But that’s the charm of Vilanch — he doesn’t pretend to be perfect. He owns the glitter, the glory, and the glorious trainwrecks. His memoir is basically a masterclass in being fabulously flawed and fine with it. And let’s be real: if you've ever bombed a punchline at Thanksgiving dinner, Bruce bombed harder — but on national TV — and made it iconic anyway. 📺💥

So grab a copy of the book, pour a drink (or a kale smoothie if you're not living that '70s flashback life), and enjoy the ride. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you’ll never look at Hollywood Squares the same way again.

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